How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize