Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
