I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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