I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
