i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
