She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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