I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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