wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
