I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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