There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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