chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
