and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize