u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
