If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Terrible idea I love it
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
