omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
