The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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