Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
