So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
