i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
