Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
