i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
