I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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