her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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