the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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