What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
