Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
