His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
