ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Everclear isn't food dammit
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
