i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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