as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
