he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
