It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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