I smell stomach acid.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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