addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
