My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Farmville is her only friend.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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