Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
