he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
