Michael Bay diarrhea
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
