So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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