I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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