I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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