wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
