Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
