Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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