there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
