States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i believe in u and ur pee
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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