Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
