Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
