WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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