it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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