I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
