Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize