I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize