Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.

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(214): View more from Texas

My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation

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(269): View more from Michigan

I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals

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(408): View more from California

So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.

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