what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
