I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
