Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
