I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
