he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
