please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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