he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
