hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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