I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
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