Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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