Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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